


Fake It 'Til You Make It

by MotherGoddamn, Rebness



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Time, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2019-10-10 20:27:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17432978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MotherGoddamn/pseuds/MotherGoddamn, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rebness/pseuds/Rebness
Summary: 'Okay, so! We’ve been together three months. Sexually, that is. You’re a very generous, tender lover. Afterwards you hold me in your arms and I have a little weep, and think of that fortuitous day when you looked at me over your coffee and said, “mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell”.'Could you please take this seriously?'When Hermann gets a pity invite from an old flame, he brings Newton along to save face.





	1. Chapter 1

'Okay, so! We’ve been together three months. Sexually, that is. You’re a very generous,  _ tender _ lover. Afterwards you hold me in your arms and I have a little weep, and think of that fortuitous day wh-when you looked at me over your coffee and said, “mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell”.

'Could you  _ please _ take this seriously?' Hermann gritted his teeth as he looked across the car at Newt. This journey had been one nightmare mile after another. Travelling with Newt was like the stereotypical child in the back driving you insane with  _ are we there yet _ questions and never ending bathroom breaks. But on speed. Plus, with Newt you got the added joy of low-rent sarcasm and cigarette ash all over your new ergonomic seat cover .

‘I am! I’ve been cramming all night, dude, I got this whole spiel following on from the coffee about how I gazed over at you, chalk remnants glistening in your becoming undercut, and I knew then and there that there was no other man for me. I then swept my desk of kaiju guts and pulled those appealing tweed labels towards me and landed one on you,' Newt said, finger gunning with a grin. He looked around restlessly, and drummed his hands on his knees. 'Anyway. Are we there yet?'

'Lord in heaven, give me strength!’ Hermann muttered, cursing himself for creating this mess in the first place. Or -- more accurately -- cursing James Allan. James and his damn attempt at altruism.

_ James. _ James had been Berlin, had been before the war, before the breach, before the drift. James had been simple and world consuming all at once.

He bit his lip. Yes, consuming was the right word. James had been part of him so completely -- if he were an emotional man, he would wax lyrical about how they were drift compatible -- but he wasn’t, so he wouldn’t. Instead, he allowed himself a pang of grief at what he had lost: one could intellectualise it, but in the end -- being on someone’s mind, and being  _ seen  _ by that person -- if one could just  _ bottle  _ that feeling--

‘So, James--- James, James, _ James.’ _ Newton popped his inside cheek with his tongue _. ‘ _ Jaaammes. Am I right?’

‘We went over this on the flight, Newton. You paused my damn movie. Repeatedly.’

‘It’s just,  _ you _ ! You! Getting down and dirty with someone.  _ Anyone! _ Don’t take offense, I mean, I knew you were into dudes because of the--- the---’

_ The drift _ . It hung in the air between them.

‘Quite.’

‘And I’m obviously,  _ obviously _ down with that myself.’ Newt winked theatrically. ‘But it’s the thought of there being someone out there that actually makes your socks roll up and down is all. It’s like imagining your granny in suspenders. You don’t want to see it but then--- you find it oddly compelling.’

‘No. I cannot imagine why you thought I would take offense at that.’ Hermann rolled his eyes as he moved the car onto the interstate. ‘Yes, as unbelievable as it sounds, I have an ex. And yes, I have friends -- don’t you look at me like that. Yes, I have exes and friends that actually enjoy my company and wish to spend more time within it. For some unknown reason, they don’t see it as their life’s ambition to dance on my every available nerve.’

‘Yeah, but I’m the one that you want to drive James cray-cray with, so I’m counting this as a win.’

‘For the final time, Newton! I do not wish to make James cray-cray as you call it! I’ve merely invited you as my guest, and to avoid feeling the odd one out. It would only serve to make the group more uncomfortable.’

‘And, dude, as selfless as that is, how exactly did you end up telling James that you are boning your guest?’ Newt waggled his eyebrows. ‘Admit it, you needed a sweet bad boy on your arm to make this James sweat and faint. ‘Oh, take me back, Hermann, I now see your value as a sexual commodity, let’s head to the hot tub and bone--’’

‘Would you please stop saying bone?’ Hermann glanced over with a snort. ‘And your continued belief that you are a bad boy, just gets more distressing as you run hurtling towards forty.’

‘Not all of us came out of the womb with a mortgage and a packet of _ Werther’s Original, _ Hermann. Anyway, you must want to get under this guys skin  _ real _ bad to board a non stop flight with yours truly.’

‘Nonsense. Those sixteen hours merely flew by,’ said Hermann. ‘Anyway, the Marshall practically stapled your passport to my head when he heard about the trip. I’m pretty certain i saw him skipping through the corridors afterward.

‘Hey, this place looks quite fancy.’ Newt said, ignoring him, focussing instead on flipping through the brochure. ‘Reckon it’s still as in one piece as these photographs? Or is just going to be a big snow crater in the shape of a kaiju footprint?’

‘James advises it was relatively unskathed during the attacks. He is, ah, that is to say his family have contributed greatly to keeping it, uh, maintained.’ Hermann coughed. ‘He assures me that’s perfectly serviceable.’

Newt lowly whistled. ‘Usually I would say eat the rich, but I’m benefitting with a free ski holiday, booze and food so I’ll let you do it.’ Newt grinned. ‘ _ You _ can eat James.’

Hermann sighed.

‘Do you get it? Eat him?’

‘Quite.’

‘I mean his penis.’

‘Yes, Newton! I managed to follow, high brow as it was.’

‘Plus, you are so going to owe to me big when this week is done. And James has cartoon hearts flying around his head whenever he glances at you. I’m thinking radio privileges for month.

‘I reiterate I am not trying to make him _ jealous.  _ I’m just trying not to look-- to look---’

‘Single? Alone? Destined for ready meals and cats eventually eating your face?’

'Oh, for goodness sake! And it’s one week! One week of skiing! I haven’t invited you to a an---  _ orgy  _ for goodness sake!’ Hermann fought the rising blush to his face.

‘Well, he sounds just a dream-boat, inviting his friend who needs a cane to walk on a  _ skiing _ holiday.’

Hermann bristled. ‘I’m sure he has considered that, there are plenty of other relaxing things to do. You’ve seen the brochure!’

‘Totally! Perhaps you can wait at the bottom of the slopes with some pom-poms and ra-ra skirt?’

‘Please, please can you just be on your best behaviour? It’s just the one week. When do I ever ask you for anything, Newton?'

‘Literally ten minutes ago! You asked me to crank open the window!’

‘That was because of _ you! _ ’

‘Well if you will feed me on gas station burritos.’ Newt sniffed. ‘I have a delicate system.’

What on Earth had he been thinking? How could this possibly work. But when James had extended the offer and had been so bright and enthusiastic, and  _ so _ accommodating about Hermann bringing his partner with him -- Hermann could not face that voice turning to pity, to understanding, to knowing that  _ of course Hermann was alone. How could he not be? How could anyone measure up to James?  _ Hermann could not do it. ‘I have someone!’ he had said quickly. ‘I have a-- a - a Newton!’

When confronted with the dial tone, he felt lost and alone. And  _ silly _ , so completely downright silly. Who out of romantic comedies starring Katherine Heigl actually made up a fake boyfriend to take away on vacation?

Mortified, he had headed to the lab, mind racing of what he could do to take it back. Perhaps Newton would let him mock up a fake death certificate, then again -- who asks grieving boyfriends to present death certificates? Perhaps it would be best to hack a news network and have snow declared toxic, mainly snow on hills? That should buy him some time.

‘What’s the problem, Hermann? You got a remainder left over?’ Newt had called over, hands deep in kaiju intestines. ‘Chalk nearing the nubb?’

‘What?’ Hermann had blinked, turning towards Newt. ‘No, it’s not that I---’  _ Oh, no, it was coming _ , he could hear his voice but his jaw refused to snap back shut. ‘You see, I have this ex--’

And out it had came.  _ James. _ James who had been Berlin, who had been before the war, before the breach, before the drift. James who had been simple and world consuming all at once.

James who could have had anybody. James who had decided he didn’t want  _ him. _

‘Okay,’ Newt had said softly. ‘When do we go?’

And for the first moment since Hermann had replaced the receiver, he felt the rock in his stomach start to ebb away.

'Hit me with another,' Newt asked, breaking Hermann’s thoughts.

'Another?’

‘Test, dude. The GPS says we about forty-five minutes away. We need a last minute cram bang.’

‘What a lovely turn of phrase. Hmm. Yes, fine of course. What is my favourite film?'

‘Ah, easy.  _ Shaving Ryan’s Privates _ .’

Hermann frowned. ‘I don’t believe I am familiar with that piece. Weirmar, is it?’

'Oh, my God, man, it was a--- Nevermind. It’s a lady with the bug eyes. Umm, Bette Davis?’ He clicked his fingers. ‘No! Got it,  _ Now, Voyager. _ From 1803.'

'Good. Well, for  _ you. _ What music do I enjoy?'

‘The ticking of a well tuned clock?’ Newt held up his hands. ‘Sorry, sorry. Debussy. Achingly pretentious by the way. Just throwing that out there.’

'Yes. I’m going to take musical tips from a man who would _ ‘get his rave on’ _ to a screwdriver in a washing machine.'

'Oh, I _ know _ you did not just come for the Pistols.’ Newton said, pulling his feet up onto the dash and ignoring Hermann’s answering sneer. ‘Okay, what about me then?'

'Hmm? What about you?'

'Well, don’t you need to know some of  _ my _ favourite things?' Newt asked, raising his eyebrows in query.

'I suppose, if must.’' he sighed. 'Favourite movie?'

' _ Cloverfield _ ' Newt beamed with pride.

'Oh, Newton, no! That is  _ not _ your favourite film?’

'I’m pretty sure it is?'

'Well, it isn’t now! Of all the distasteful things. Pick another!'

Newt hummed, tapping his chin. ‘Okay, okay -- what about  _ Godz-- _ -’

'--no! Honestly, Newton!’

‘Oh, don’t worry! I don’t mean the 2014 one,  _ obviously.  _ Come see Bryan Cranston and Juliet Binoche! Nah, they’re totally dead and here’s  _ Kickass _ for the rest of the movie.’

‘I surely can’t hear this bait and switch rant again, Newton, I surely can’t.’ Hermann shook his head. ‘No, your new favourite film is...is... _ The Italian Job _ . It’s just the right amount of trendy yet classic.' Hermann nodded, satisfied with the choice

‘A bit of Marky Mark? Nice, loving your work, Hermann.’'

'What? Gracious! If they discuss movies don’t join in. You’re a disaster.' He turned as Newt began shifting on his seat, sighing and tutting. 'What are you squirming at?'

'I’m being eaten alive by these clothes, Hermann.' He pulled on his collar and lolled his tongue out of his mouth to emphasise his point. ‘What do your friends have against movement of their joints?’

Hermann wondered if there was any way he could claim Newt was a deaf mute for the week. That was quite enigmatic and attractive right? Then again Newt could barely use the bathroom without running commentary. ‘And, what pray tell, is the issue with dressing professionally?’

'Oh, nothing, nothing but I can’t promise that if I catch sight of of myself in a reflective surface that I won’t kick my own ass.’ He smoothed his hands over his thighs and Hermann tried not to shudder at the already numerous creases and tiny salsa stains. He  _ knew _ he should have spoon fed Newt at that service station. ‘Also, don’t think I didn’t notice how many shirt sleeves you shoved in that case. You tattoo-phobe.’

'It’s for one week, Newton. I didn’t set alight to your wardrobe.’ Hermann allowed himself the momentarily thrill of imagining the blaze.

‘You know we _ did _ save the world, Hermann, we could, I dunno, lead with that and the fact I’m dressed like Victorian headmaster laminated into his suit can just be an added thrill for them.’

‘That’s another thing, I do feel that it would be, ahh, perhaps more dignified to play down our role.’

‘Play down our ---  _ Are you kidding me _ ?’

‘Well, it would hardy do to show boat, now would it? And I don’t wish to make anyone uncomfortable’ He could feel the heat of Newt’s aggrieved stare. ‘They are aware of our work with PPDC and that will be sufficient.There’s no need to go into details.’

‘Perhaps I can tell them I’m the guy who changes the printer toner? Would that offend their precious, iddle feelings?’

‘There’s no need to absurd! Oh, that does remind me.  Please can you not insist on being referred to as Newt? It sounds awfully new age. Newton will be just fine. Preferably Doctor Geiszler, but I will allow you your idiosyncrasies.’

‘Be still my heart.’ Newt rolled his eyes and looked out the window, moodily.

'You have to understand that James and his set -- they are simply of a different class is all. I’m just ensuring that things go smoothly. You understand of course.’

‘Oh, sure,’ said Newt. ‘I know all about being top of the class, dontcha know.’ He snorted. ‘Seriously, what is about this guy.’ Newt scoffed. ‘Unless he is a calculator with legs, I can’t imagine you being this love sick over anybody.’

‘I am not love sick! That was a long time ago. A  _ very _ long time ago!’ Hermann snapped. ‘It’s just James is intelligent, sophisticated--’'

'---can leap buildings in a single bound.’

'---he can speak German, French and Dutch. Oh! You now speak Spanish by the way.'

'What?’ Newt blinked. ‘What do you mean _ I speak Spanish _ ?'

'James can’t so it gives you an edge.'

‘My  _ six doctorates _ don’t give me an edge? And the whole, again, shocked I need to remind you to be honest, but the whole saving the goddamn world thing?’ Newt looked across the seat towards him. 'Hermann! You hear how ridiculous you sound, right?'

He glanced at Newt, and opened his mouth to say something, but no words came. He felt the tremor -- right into the tips of his fingers -- and glanced quickly at Newt again to check that he had not marked the effect his mocking words had had on him. ‘Well, I--’ he began.

‘Honestly, you gotta--’

‘Can we drop it?’ said Hermann quickly. ‘I-- it’s hard sometimes, you know?’

‘I-I don’t know,’ said Newt. ‘Tell me, I don’t know.’

‘Forget it,’ he said queasily.

The lodge appeared over the hill as they pulled into the drive.

‘Hermann,’ whispered Newton, face strangely pale. ‘I don’t know if I can do this--’

‘Nonsense. It’s going to go swimmingly.  Just be yourself!' Hermann chided as they pulled into the drive.

'Seems like that’s the  _ last _ person you want me to be,' he said from the side of his mouth, climbing out the car and closing the door with a pronounced thud.

'Hermann!' They turned towards the newcomers voice.

_ James.  _ Handsome, confident and striding towards him, a beam running across his face. Hermann’s heart skipped into a rapid beat, and he felt his mouth hasten into dryness. All these years and still a second under James’ consideration he was gone.

'That’s James? He looks like a Bond villain!’

'Will you shut up!' He hissed and then broke into a huge grin. 'James! How are you, old boy?’ He passed his cane to his other hand, and clapped James back as he neared them. ‘I’d like to introduce you to Doctor Newton Geizler, my--- ‘ Hermann swallowed heavily, ‘my boyfriend.'

‘Hey, man!’ Newton said with a beam, while taking James’ hand. ‘Call me Newt--’ He glanced over at Hermann. ‘--on. Call me Newton.’

It was going to be fine. Just fine.

It had to be.

 


	2. Chapter 2

_This is_ fine _._

Newt was completely and utterly fine. No need to hyperventilate or to grab Hermann’s cane and jab it into a stranger’s throat or anything.

‘Newton! I’ve heard--’ James laughed, throat vulnerable and begging to meet a blunt force trauma, ‘Well absolutely nothing about you!’

_Son of a bitch._

‘Well, as I said on the phone James, all very new!’ Hermann laughed, a tinge of hysteria bubbling below the surface. ‘Brand spanking new!’

Newt shot Hermann a look that hopefully conveyed just the rights levels of _chill the fuck out._

‘Hermann, you dark horse. And here was I thinking you would be flying solo for the rest of your days!’ James grabbed at Newt’s elbow and stage whispered in his ear. ‘You simply _must_ tell me all about it.’

‘Oh. I simply _must_?’ Newt grinned weakly. ‘Great.’

‘No, but seriously, I’m so glad you could both come. It--- It’s just lovely to see Hermann happy at last.’ With that he gave a squeeze of Newt’s shoulder. 'But listen to me witter on, let’s get you boys inside with a drink in your hand.' A young man came up behind him and gave an uncertain grin at the trio. 'Here, give me your keys.' Taking them from Hermann, James put them into the man’s hand. _'Gracias, Alejandro. Puede llevar las maletas a la casa. ¡Vamos en un minuto!'_

'Was-- was that Spanish?' Hermann asked, a tinge of disappointment in his voice, ignoring Newt’s amused smirk.

'What? Oh, yeah! I took it up when I first got with Damian. You know how I just love learning languages!' He motioned at the two to follow him into their lodge and walked on ahead.

‘Don’t look so blue,’ Newt said out of the corner of his mouth. ‘I’ll just polish off the Mandarin.’

‘Please, don’t. You always go in with the Manhattan Project at the smallest slight. I wanted an edge, not to decimate him, Newton!’

‘Seriously, you need to relax. I promise you I’m going to be like, the Academy Award version of a boyfriend. Except watchable.’

‘Breathing and conveniently mute will do just fine, Newton.’ Hermann worried at his lip and cast a wretched look after James. ‘He looks good. Don’t you think he looks good?’

‘Meh, if you are into that whole Kennedy hair thing, I guess.’ Newt grinned. ‘I prefer a bowl cut myself.’ He squinted. ‘A chipped bowl clearly.’

‘Hmm? What?’ Hermann glanced at him with a distracted frown. ‘Oh, yes, I see.’

Newt held in a deep sigh, instead placing an arm around Hermann’s shoulder. ‘It’s going to be great. I promise I won’t let you down.’

It was one week. It was one week of being able to be near Hermann, to see the tension bleed out of his shoulders, to perhaps see a natural smile unburdened by fear or worry. Maybe one aimed at Newt. Maybe--

_No. Get yourself together, Newton. You are here as his good friend. So be one!_

*

‘So. Yeah. That’s --’ Newton scratched his chin contemplatively.

‘Indeed.’

‘It’s really big, Hermann. It’s been a while since I had one this size.’

‘Must you drag me kicking and screaming into this _Carry On_ routine?’

‘I don’t know what the hell that is but, dude!’ Newton dropped down onto the bed and picked at the duvet. ‘I think this has feathers in! And I don’t have a spring in my ass!’ He gave a little bounce. ‘Nope! No spring intent on locating my intestines!’

‘Yes, quite, but -- are you sure you’re amenable to this? I confess I truly hadn’t realised the implication -- that a double bed would be-- ah that is to say--’

‘You thought James would make us wait until our wedding night?’ Newt raised a sardonic brow. ‘Don’t worry, dude, I’ll try to restrain myself.’

Herman blushed deeply. ‘I can sleep on the floor.’

‘With your hip?’ Newt spluttered. ‘Absolutely not! Listen this will be fine, we have room to spare!’ He dropped back onto the bed, spreading his arms and moaning quietly. God, it had been so long since his back had felt anything other than PPDC-issued property. He let slip another groan; Hermann was going to have to drag him out of here.

‘I could leave you alone, if you would like some space. To sleep, perhaps?’ Newt opened one eye to see Hermann turned slightly away, furiously studying the blank wall. ‘A shower! Yes. I’ll be in the en-suite. You get some rest, I will wake you when I return.’

‘Hmm,’ murmured Newt, sinking into the covers, and listening to the sound of Hermann puttering around, looking through cases before the tell tale snick of the bathroom door. A shower sounded good. _So good._ Hermann had the right idea jumping in. Under all that hot water and steam. Droplets easing their way down his slim defined back, towards...

‘Nope!’ Newt sat back up with a start. ‘Nope, nope. We are not doing waking torture today! Thought be gone!’

Just a week. Just one week. He could do this. He played a little drum beat on his knees, the final slap a tad too hard, and held back a yelp.

_Okay, Newt, you’re a grown man. You aren’t going to call up your girlfriends on your Dreamphone and giggle about Hermann’s foamy covered pecs. Get it together._

He should probably be doing something casual and cool for when Hermann eventually came out of the shower. Like maybe he could take apart the air conditioner and put it back together but with a radio signal added. Something totally chilled and not at all creeper like for when Hermann came out the shower after showering in the shower. Naked.

 _Argh, re-route_! Unpack! That’s a totally boring and unsexy task. He could unpack.

He grabbed the valise and threw it onto the bed before unzipping it.

 _Like his-- shut the hell up, dude_!

‘Okay, what’ve we got?’ He grabbed a couple of shirts and placed them carefully on the bed - better not to enrage Dr. Stick up his Ass -- a pair of slacks, and--

Whew, Hermann had really gone to task when turning Newton into his dress-up Ken doll. Grey briefs? Who in their right mind bought underwear _already_ grey? ‘No way,’ he whistled under his breath. ‘I’m freeballing this for sure.’ He closed the case and crossed back over to the bed, sitting down with a sigh.

_Speaking of freeballing..._

Hermann was going to be out of his showering shower of nudity any moment. A spark of desire flashed through him and he grunted in frustration. Seriously, he needed to get over this. Newt couldn’t afford to look like he belonged on a register when  Hermann finally re-entered the room. Be cool. Be calm. _I wonder if he will come out in a little towel?_

‘Oh, fuck my life!’ He exclaimed falling back onto the bed with a thump. ‘Fuck it in the ass with a kaiju prick!’

‘Newton! Really! Can you _try_ to be civilised?’

‘Hermann!’ Newt sat up quickly, shielding his eyes. ‘How’s it hanging?’

 _Oh, for fuck’s-- make that_ two _kaiju pricks._

‘What are you screaming about you blithering idiot?

‘I--- I forgot my toothbrush and uh,’ Newton peeked at Hermann between his fingers, ‘yeah -- super bummed, because --- my dad got it for my, uh, birthday and--- _are you dressed?’_ Newton lowered his hands. ‘Did you get changed in the bathroom?’

‘Obviously. I’m not a savage.’ Hermann frowned. ‘I’m not going to indecently expose myself at every turn am I?’

‘Oh. _Yay_.’ Newt gave a weak thumbs up. ‘You know what, I think I best hop in too. I think a shower might do the trick.’

_A very, very cold one._

*

‘You look very nice, Newton.’ Hermann smiled, patting at Newt’s shoulder, wiping away imaginary lint. ‘Dare I say it, you look respectable.’

‘That’s a funny way to pronounce douche.’

‘There’s nothing wrong with dressing your age.’

‘Wow, and you said that with a straight face like you don’t have tweed patches on your elbows.’

Hermann took a deep breathe. ‘You’re right. Maybe I should change?’

‘Oh, god, no, dude. I can’t take another 80s montage of you frowning at different variations of brown. You look good!’ He took hold of Hermann’s shoulders. ‘You ready for this?’

‘As I’ll ever be,’ he bit at his lip, looking towards the door with trepidation. ‘What if I make a fool of myself, Newton. What was I even thinking embarking upon this ridiculous--’

‘Hey, hey-- come on now.’ Newton soothed, rubbing his thumb into Hermann’s shoulder gently. ‘We are going to be awesome, and handsome and charming and witty and they are going to love you and be like, that dude is super secure and banging a total 9, that guy is awesome and we should totally invite him to our roller-skating derby or triathlon next year.’

‘Wait. Are you the 9?’

Newt nodded sagely. ‘Yes, you lucky bastard.’

‘Oh, God, this is going to be a complete, unmitigated disaster.

‘Spoken like a true 7.’ Newt extended his elbow.‘Shall we, Mr Gottlieb?’

‘It’s Doc--’

‘Dude! Just take my damn arm and have a day off, god!’ Hermann huffed, placing his arm into his, ignoring Newt’s patting of his fingers once they were entwined.

He fought down his own feelings as unease as they made their way from their rooms to the where the sounds of chatting and laughter could be heard. Nerves weren’t for rock stars. He was going to charm the slacks off these nerds

‘Just out of curiosity -- we haven’t accidentally joined Hitler Youth, have we?’ Newt asked as they entered the doorway. ‘I’m seeing a lot of blond and a lot of teeth right now.’

‘I wouldn’t worry, Newton, you’re well over the age limit.’

‘You remember I’m a year younger than you, right?’ Newt turned to him, eyebrow raised. ‘These age jokes have diminishing returns.’

‘Oh!’  laughed James, approaching them, drinks in hand. ‘Trouble in paradise?’

‘-- Newton is just being--’

‘Hermann thinks I’m too old to join the Hitler Youth!’

‘Okay.’ James blinked. ‘Odd.’ He pushed two glasses into their hands. ‘Here, come meet the gang.’

‘Right.’ Newt beamed, his smile faltering a little as Hermann downed his drink in one and placed it on the counter. ‘Can’t wait!’

‘Guys! This is Hermann,’ James said, as they approached the sofas. Seven pairs of eyes looked at them, eerily grinning as they approached, ‘we were close at University and this is his partner Newton!’ He handed Hermann another drink as they sat down together on the sofa and smiled shyly at the group. ‘This is Brandon, Stephen, Nigel, Maurice, Gig, John and my _beloved_ Damian.’

Newt draped his arm over Hermann’s shoulders as they sat down. 'Would you relax, man? You look like you’re trying to teleport.' He whispered out the side of his mouth. 'Maybe shotgun that drink, too.’

Hermann leaned closer. ‘It’s not helping.’

‘Look, try and forget why you are here and just concentrate on the break.’ Newt’s squeezed his shoulder with his fingers. ‘I promise, it’s okay to have fun every now and then.’

Hermann gave him a small smile and leaned in closer. The gesture was so intimate and freely-given that Newt felt a tightening in the region of his heart. _If it were -- it could --_ he licked his lips. He didn’t realise he had spoken until Hermann whispered:

‘Sorry, what was that?’

‘Some -- some Mandarin expression, I don’t know, man. What?’

‘I told you, no Manhattan Project here, okay?’ hissed Hermann. ‘You know I don’t speak it well. I only caught the word _eyes_. Stop being strange and speaking about eyes, for goodness’ sake.’

He flushed. ‘Uh… yeah.’

‘So, did you all go to school together?’ asked the one that Newt was eighty-five percent sure was called Gig.

Hermann stiffened. ‘Ah, yes, that is James and I did. We were at TU together in Berlin.’

‘Together, _together?’_ Maybe Gig winked.

‘Aha, yes,’ James poured another glass, handing it to Hermann, ‘we were inseparable.’

‘Really?’ Maybe Gig tapped at his lips. ‘That’s _so_ weird. I just don’t see it.’

‘Why, man? What’s not to get?’ Newt gripped his glass of Scotch tightly in his hands, feeling Hermann’s discomfort fall off him in droves. ‘Hermann’s a solid eight.’ He ignored Hermann’s confused glance. ‘Nine on a good day!’

‘Easy, Newton!’ James laughed, reaching across to pat him on the knee. Newt fought the urge to bite him. ‘He means because of my penchants for blonds!’

‘Yeah,’ Maybe Gig smirked. ‘Exactly.’

_What an ever-loving prick._

‘We met in the library of all things,’ James continued. ‘I swear if it hadn’t been for Hermann and his tutoring, I would have flunked out first year tops. I was a little bit too into the party lifestyle. And Berlin is a hell of a city.’ He smiled softly over at Hermann, and a flush rose in the latter’s cheeks. A sharp, painful jolt found its way through Newt’s stomach and he took a large intake of his drink to quell it. ‘We became fast friends and then, well --- more,’ he winked. ‘A hell of a city.’

For a moment the two held a heavy gaze, one that the rest of the room stood outside of. Hermann’s blush had now risen now to his ears, his eyes lidded yet fond and James’ was a look of consideration and nostalgia.

What he would give for someone, anyone -- oh, who was he kidding -- _for Hermann_ to hold him in the same regard. He glanced back over at the object of Hermann’s affection. Yeah, maybe he could kick his ass over the slopes if it came down to a match of intellect, but he was no match for the classically handsome James. Plus, he looked like he bench pressed several Newts each morning. Newton picked at the material of the sofa, fighting the wave of self pity threatening to overwhelm. _Let it, go, Newt. Be a friend._

‘Oh, dear,’ spoke up Damian, ‘should I be worried?’

‘All in the past, dear,’ James looked over at Hermann. ‘Right, Herms?’

‘Yes, all water--- all water under the bridge,’ he answered, giving a tight lipped smile. ‘So many years ago.’

‘Lucky me,’ Newt said, feeling the room shift slightly as he raised the drink to his lips. It was a dry, bitter taste but he enjoyed the fire as it made its way down his throat, even as his head succumbed to the pleasant numbness as he drank.

‘Are you quite alright?’ whispered Hermann as the others continued to chat on other topics. ‘You look a little grey.’

‘Me? Yeah, I’m a million dollars, man.’ ‘You?’

‘I’m reasonably okay, considering,’ Hermann bumped his shoulder with a small smile. ‘Thanks to you.’

Newt held up his glass. ‘That’s what I’m here for, right.’

Hermann smiled warmly. ‘Yes,’ he said, his voice laced with gratitude. ‘Yes.’

They stood there silently for a long moment, caught in a rare wave of mutual quiet understanding.

And of course, it was broken by James. ‘And I’ve read the most fascinating article on vaccinations the other day,’ he said. ‘I really must forward it on to you, Hermann.’

‘Oh, I am your man on this!’ said Newt, warming up to the subject. ‘Seriously, it drives me fucking batshit!’

‘Absolutely!’ James beamed. ‘Honestly the dangers we are exposing our children too!’

‘Right! How can anyone of sound mind--’

‘--vaccinate a child! Completely! So good to speak to someone who knows what they talking about! So many doctors drink the Kool-Aid on this!’

Newt swallowed. ‘Hermann? I need to leave this room immediately.’

‘Shush!,’ whispered Hermann, ‘he is clearly being--- ironic, yes. Ironic.’  He audibly sighed with relief as another of the party came over to top up their glass, chatting with James idly and distracting him from Newt’s glower.

‘He ironically wants polio back, does he?’ Newt turned to face him, whispering. ‘Look, dude, I swear I’m trying. But I just don’t see it! What on Earth did you ever see in this guy?’

‘Not everyone’s shoulders needs to creak under their weight of their intellect, Newton.’ Hermann sniffed. ‘James is a very accomplished in his field.’

‘Well, let’s hope that field isn’t _pediatrics_!’ Newt scowled. ‘What does he do anyway?’

‘He sits on the board of his father’s company, his business models are used the world over, you know.’

‘Come on level with me, you were writing his papers at college, yeah?’

Hermann bristled. ‘If you are trying to insinuate that I would ever…’

‘Be taken advantage of?’

‘It wasn’t like that at all,’ hissed Hermann. ‘He got there on his own merit.’

‘His dad is on the board there, too, isn’t he?’

Hermann coughed. ‘I’m sure, I wouldn’t know.’

‘Right! I knew it. Because this guy is totally _Flowers for Algernon_ with the middle torn out.’

‘Oh, yes, very droll, Newton.’ Hermann rubbed at the bridge of his nose. ‘Listen, I know these aren’t really your kind of people. But could you try? Please?’ He touched at the back of Newt’s hand. ‘For me?’

Newt swallowed and smiled back weakly ‘Yeah, no, you’re right. Sorry. I’ll be good. I promise.’

‘So, Newton,’ spoke up Damian, breaking up their hushed conversation, ‘Do you have much skiing experience?’

‘Ah, me? No, not really, never really had the opportunity over the years with ---’ He shook his head. ‘I was just going to hang out with Herm, see what the hot tub was like.’

‘Nonsense! You can’t come all this way and not have a punt,’ said James. ‘Damian is a registered instructor. I’m sure he would be happy to give you some lessons.’

‘Yes, of course,’ said Damian with a kind smile. ‘I’d love to.’

‘Well, I would feel terrible leaving Hermann on his own--’

‘Newton, please, this is your holiday, too. You can’t spend it babysitting me,’ Hermann interrupted. ‘I’ve brought along plenty of paperbacks and that fire isn’t going anywhere.’

‘Plus, I’m having a day off the slopes tomorrow,’ James piped up. ‘I’m more than happy to stay with Hermann. Catch up on old times. See what kind of scrapes we can get into.’

‘I guess’, Newt looked to Hermann. ‘If you are sure?’

Hermann patted at his knee.’ Trust me. Go have fun. Don’t break your neck.’

After awhile with the drink flowing and continued conversation he began to relax. It wasn’t _that_ bad. He was even starting to enjoy himself! Yeah, okay, okay. It may not be the most normal vacation he had ever been on but he had definitely been on worse.

Someone placed on a record and the group split between those softly talking and to those throwing themself around to the beat. Damian pulled Hermann up, ignoring his spluttered protests, spinning him into the middle of the room.

‘You, too, Newton!’ said Damian, crooking his finger towards him.

Newton rolled his eyes and stood up, ignoring the heat on the back of his neck as Damian linked his and Hermann’s hands.

‘Hi,’ he whispered, as Hermann smiled shyly. ‘I tend to usually mosh so, uh, stay clear of my flailing limbs.’

‘Quite. I’m more of a sway at differing speeds fellow myself. The occasional knee bob.’

‘A classic!’ Newt replied, swinging his hips to the generic pop tune. ‘How about this?’ Newton stepped to the left, and back to the right, and then spun round ending with jazz hands. ‘Yeah?’

‘I assume you have headphones in your ears, because that was absolutely nowhere near the beat.’

‘Don’t hate the player, baby,’ Newt put his hands on his hips and gave a shimmy. ‘Hate the game.’

‘What on Earth does that even--- oh.’ Hermann blinked rapidly as the song finished, replaced by a slower, softer number. ‘Shall we?’

Awkwardly, Newt allowed Hermann to pull him closer. 'Is this okay?’ He asked softly as he put his arms around Hermann’s neck.  Hermann nodded and slowly moved his hands to Newt’s hips. Softly they began to sway and Newt tried to ignore the heat in his cheeks as a woman’s haunting voice filled the room.

_You’re making me blue_

_All that you do_

_Seems unfair_

_You try not to hear_

_Turn a deaf ear_

_To my prayer_

_It seems you don't want to see_

_What you are doing to me_

_My arms are waiting to caress you_

_And to my heart they long to press you, sweet heart_

 ‘Thank you, Newton,’ Hermann said into the shell of his ear. ‘I can’t thank you enough for this.’

‘Don’t be stupid, man,’ answered Newt, ‘that’s what ---’ He took a breath ‘--that’s what friends are for.’

‘It really is above and beyond. I appreciate it more than I can convey.’ His cheek brushed against Newt’s temple and Newt tried to ignore the fissure of electricity in his spine.

  _My heart is sad and lonely_

_For you I cry_

_For you, dear, only_

_I tell you I mean it_

_I’m all for you_

_Body and soul_

  'Yeah, fine, fine.' The wine and gentle rocking was making him feel almost sleepy. Without thinking he lowered his head to Hermann’s chest.

   _I spend my days in longing_

_And wondering it's me you're wronging_

_Why haven't you seen it_

_I’m all for you_

_Body and soul_

 'Newton?' Hermann whispered, his lips grazing his forehead.

'Umm?'

'Can I kiss you?' Hermann grabbed his waist tight as Newt started at the suggestion.

'Why?' Newt replied in a hush, his eyes wide.

'Because we are quite honestly rather tipsy, we are having a good time, we are on vacation, this song is ridiculously romantic,’ Newt felt his heart skip its planned beat, ‘and James is watching. It would look quite confusing to him if we _didn’t_.' Hermann reasoned, his breath ghosting over his skin.

_Oh._

Newt considered.What was a little kiss? And it didn’t _mean_ anything. To Hermann. And it didn’t have to mean anything to him.  He pulled back and stared up at Hermann, smiling slightly to show his agreement.

Hermann gently smoothed a finger down Newt cheek and then leaned in, almost chastely pressing his lips to his. Newt pushed up onto his tip toes, pressing his lips to Hermann’s and rubbing his hand across Hermann’s broad, sharp shoulders. He heard a faint, friendly wolf whistles from the others in the room and tried to ignore them. After this week he’d never have to see them again. Fuck them.

'Newton?' Hermann said, loud enough for the nearby James to hear. 'Let’s go to bed.'


	3. Chapter 3

Hermann’s tongue flicked out to trace Newt’s wanting lips and dipped inside, tasting the faint heady smokiness of the evening’s Scotch, and then the dizzying bite of alcohol beneath. 

Newt moaned as his hands moved down to Hermann’s chest, finding his nipples beneath the thin material and coasting over them roughly with his fingers. He began fumbling at the buttons as Hermann’s mouth followed his jaw, relishing the stubble and Newt’s responding sighs.

Newt managed to get his shirt off his shoulders then gasped sharply as Hermann’s tongue reached his ear. 'Jesus Christ.' He swore as Hermann licked indelicately. In a flourish he practically ripped the shirt from Hermann’s shoulders and pulled him down onto the bed, writhing in pleasure as their bodies contacted. This was right, this was everything. Why had it taken them so long?

_ 'Oh, Newton!' _

‘Hermann?’

_ ‘Newton!’ _

'Hermann? Hermann, wake up,’ He gazed down at Newt in confusion. Wake up? What in gracious did he mean wake up? He blinked to clear his head and on reopening them found himself staring up at the lodge ceiling, Newt leaning over him with a worried look on his face.

_ 'Oh, dear God...’  _ Heat stormed through Hermann’s body and clung to his face. He scrambled to sit up, pulling the duvet thickly around his middle to hide the clear and almost painful evidence of his dream. ‘Newton!’

'Are you okay, man?’ Newt squinted, struggling to see without his glasses in the dim light. Thank God the man had been denied 20-20 vision. ‘That must have been some nightmare. You sounded like you were in pain!’

'Yeah! It was…quite awful. Thank goodness you woke me.'

‘Oh!’ Newt bit his lip. ‘Was it -- um--’

Hermann’s heart stepped up a bit and he clutched the duvet closer. Oh, God, this wasn’t happening. ‘I would be much obliged if we could just drop it, thank you.’

‘Dude, seriously, don’t sweat it okay?’ Newt dropped back on his side and, propping up his head with his hand. ‘I’ve had them, too.’

Hermann frowned. ‘Well, I rather imagined you had, Newton.’

‘I swear, I have, like, one about them once a week.’

‘Goodness!  _ Them? _ ’ Hermann felt rather vanilla at his limited casting.

‘You know? The kaiju?’

‘You have --- I’m sorry, you have  _ dreams _ about the kaiju?’

‘Oh, totally, I often wake up soaking.’

‘Good lord!’ Hermann blinked rapidly. ‘That’s -- I--- wow.’

‘Yeah, nightmares suck.’ Newt flopped back down onto the bed, waving his hand at Hermann. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll shake you awake tomorrow if it happens again.’

_ Thank the Lord!  _ But with Newton, you could never know for sure.

‘I… er, I’m a light sleeper,’ he said. ‘It’s only when I dream of the kaiju that I need help.’

Newt rubbed at his nose. ‘Um. Yeah, I dunno? You talk a lot in your sleep, you know?’ He flushed. ‘Yeah. A lot.’

Hermann coughed. ‘About the kaiju, I presume?’

‘I dunno,’ he said crossly, but he did not elaborate further.

‘Look, if I…’ began Hermann. He sat up, and stared at the ridiculous amount of pillows Newt had placed between them in the middle of the night. 'What the -- bloody hell! -- why have you reconstructed the Walls of Jericho?'  

'Ah, well.’ Newton smirked. ‘Just to avoid any confusion. You know in case in your sleep you thought I was James or a polished abacus or something.’

'Well, really, Newton.  And how I could I forget it was you? You toss and turn like an epileptic at an underground rave.' It would certainly seem his physical side had noticed Newt’s presence. Clearly, an overflow from the night before. A thought he refused to follow down the rabbit hole.

He settled back into his pillow, closing his eyes. ‘What time is it?’

‘It’s uh-- ‘ Slight rustling from the other side of the bed as Newt located his phone. ‘Just gone 4.’

‘Oh!’ Hermann frowned. ‘I am sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you.’ Once again, Hermann thanked the dark room for hiding his reddening face. Not only had he been wildly inappropriate in his mind, he woke the man to boot.

‘Don’t worry about it, dude,’ Newt dropped down onto his side, stifling a yawn. ‘Happens to the best of us.’

‘Yes, well,’ Hermann sniffed. ‘Just build your fort and lets get back to sleep.’

‘You’ll be glad of it, when you wake up humping one of the pillows and crying out algebra summations.’

‘Quite. Pretend I said something witty and cutting, will you? And go to sleep.’

‘No problem, totally going to sleep now.’  Newton flopped onto his back, drumming out a little beat on his belly. ‘Eyes shut and everything.’

Mercifully, a silence descended over the room and Hermann felt himself relaxing and being pulled under once more.

But of course.

‘Hermann?’

‘Yes, East Berlin?’

‘About last night--’

‘Ah,’ Hermann pressed his lips into a tight line. ‘I do apologise if I put you in an awkward position, I-- ‘

‘No, no -- it’s fine, that wasn’t what I was --’ He sighed heavily and turned, jostling the bed as he moved. ‘I just wanted--’

Hermann sneaked an eye open, studying Newt in the dark. Had he gone too far? Had he made the man completely uncomfortable. Newt had seemed so accommodating last night but perhaps he had felt under pressure, felt pushed past his limits. A ghost of a memory touched over his lips, and Hermann could almost feel Newt’s breath against his. It had been a very sweet, barely there press --  _ almost  _ pleasant. A shudder passed through him. To feel that way -- always. He coughed. ‘Newton, if I have overstepped in anyway, please accept my most sincere apologies.’

‘No, no -- that isn’t what I’m trying to say.’ He sighed. ‘Do you still love him?’

A cold clutched at Hermann’s chest and ricocheted through his abdomen. ‘I have barely been in the same room as the man for sixteen years, Newton, don’t be absurd.’

Softly. ‘That wasn’t an answer.’

‘I know,’ whispered Hermann. ‘I know.’

 

*

  
  


‘I thought I would find you here!’

Hermann jumped in shock as the voice came up behind him. ‘Oh, James, hello!’ He closed his book, marking the page as he did. ‘Good morning. You are--- rather casually dressed,’ Hermann squeaked, trying to keep his eyes trained to his face and not to the abundance of flesh before him.

‘I can’t very well get into the hot tub in a three piece, now can I?’ James laughed. ‘Join me?’

‘Ah, I rather think not.’ Hermann indicated to his book. ‘You go on ahead and I’ll plod on with this, shall I?’

‘Come on, Hermy, it’s not like we haven’t seen each other with a lot less then our swimsuits.’  He winked. ‘Let’s grab some beers and chat about old times while our balls and chains are away.’

‘Honestly.’ Hermann shook his head. ‘You go on ahead and--’

‘The water will help with--’ He made a circling motion with his palm towards Hermann’s leg. ‘-- whatever it is you’ve got going on down there.’ He laughed. ‘Sorry, I always forget.’

Hermann caught his breath, and cast James a suspicious unhappy look before he corrected himself quickly.  ‘I guess a small dunk won’t hurt,’ he said, allowing a smile to wipe clean the stiff unhappy grimace that had made its home on his face seconds earlier. ‘I’ll just go get changed.’

‘That’s the chap!’ James clapped his hand against his shoulder. ‘I’ll get the bubbles going and the beers chilled. Meet you in there.’

 

*

 

‘Here,’ James said with a smile passing him a beer. His fingers grazed Hermann’s as he handed over the bottle, the touch a tad too long, a tad too pronounced. But no that was absurd. Hermann was hypersensitive, that was all. ‘So, Newton,’ James sat back, arms on the rim of the tub and a smile hanging from his lips. ‘How did that come to be?’

‘Well,’ Hermann rubbed at his chin. ‘We had been great friends for many of a year. And then working in such close proximity with him--’

‘You became accustomed to his face?’

‘Newton is no Eliza Doolittle, I assure you, but yes. That would be accurate.’ Hermann played with the label of the bottle, pushing it away from the glass with his nail. It wasn’t far from the truth. Hermann found it hard to conceive of a world without Newton’s friendship.

‘Don’t take this the wrong way. But he doesn’t seem to be up to your usual standard. Or even up to your knees in cuban heels.’

Hermann felt a crack of annoyance flash through him. ‘He’s perfectly  adequate !’

‘What a ringing endorsement!’ James laughed. ‘You must launch your own line with Hallmark.’ He grinned, tilting his head to the side. ‘Listen, I’m sure he’s fun--- well, fun sized at least-- but you are both far too different. You have to think of yourself for once, Herms. Think of your future.’

‘We are completely functional and aligned in our interests, actually,’ clipped Hermann. ‘I’m very happy with my arrangement with Newton and I would thank you to respect that. As I respect  _ your  _ relationship!’

‘I’m not trying to be cruel, Herms, I’m being realistic. Your other half -- or quarter more like--’

‘Three short jokes in a row? Don’t you think that’s redundant?’ Hermann took an angry swig of the beer. ‘And trust me, he’s big where it counts.’

_ Don’t blush, don’t blush. You just sounded like you were auditioning for  _ Sex and the City _ but that’s no need to drown yourself in a hot tub. _

‘That’s quite--- quite an image you’ve just put in my head.’ James whistled lowly. ‘But I’m sure the alcohol will help quell it.’

‘Will you please just stop?’ Hermann glared, fingers clenching tightly around the bottle. ‘I--- I care about him okay. Will you just stop? Please?’

James sighed heavily. ‘Christ, yeah, sorry. I forget how sensitive you can be. I was just joshing you. He’s pretty cute, I’ll admit--’ he faltered at Hermann’s look ‘--no, that’s off bounds, too? Fine. Fine. All I’m trying to say is that don’t let loyalty hold you back. Now the world’s no longer ending there’s some many opportunities for you.’ James looked at him, considering. ‘You know you’re brilliant, right? Just really fucking brilliant?’

‘I---, thank you,’ Hermann stared down into the water. ‘That’s kind of you.’

'Just be careful there, Hermann. I wouldn’t like to see you hurt.'

'It wouldn’t be the first time.' Hermann muttered.

'Ah, I wondered when we would get round to that.' James sighed, moving closer. 'Hermann. I can’t apologise enough. I am so sorry about the way we ended.'

'Look, let’s not…'

‘Listen.’ James placed his drink to the side and sidled closer, waves brushing other Hermann’s bare chest as he neared. 'Please let me finish! Lately, I’ve been thinking about us and…I have to say when I invited you here that my intentions weren’t honest. When you told me about Newton, I was disappointed. I…' He shrugged his shoulders and stared at him. 'I guess I thought maybe I wanted to see if a spark remained between us. And you know what?' He took moved closer, eyes darting to Hermann’s lips. 'I think there is.'

When James looked at him like that, Hermann could almost pretend that nothing had ever changed between the two of them. He could almost pretend that James hadn’t dumped him for the first guy that came along. Almost.

'Oh?'

‘Losing you was one of the biggest mistakes I ever made.’ He moved closer still, thigh now pressed up against Hermann’s.

Hermann’s heart felt as if it would hammer a path right through his chest. He swallowed as gravity threatened to overwhelm him, even as a part of him marvelled that the human body could so adroitly dismantle every intellectual defence he had against being involved with this troublesome loud man; all it took was that almost painful knot in his stomach, the longing which crashed through him.

'Don’t pretend you don’t feel it too, Hermann. What we had? It isn’t done. I want you back.' His mouth was so close to Hermann’s now and he could remember how those lips felt. How they tasted on his tongue. Briefly an image of Newt from his dream passed through his mind, and a shiver ran through his body.

'I’m with Newton,’ he said, his voice low as James stared at him radiating confidence. ‘And you’re with Damian,'

‘Yes,’ whispered James. His eyes dropped to Hermann’s lips.  ‘We shouldn’t do this.’

Hermann swallowed. ‘Do what?’

‘This.’

And giving in to the kiss was so easy, as natural and as vital as stepping into the warm welcoming waters of the pool. He closed his eyes in surrender.

 

*

 

'I can’t believe I’ve never went skiing before! I should have known I would be awesome at it,’ Newt bellowed from the bathroom. ‘It’s like totally stimulating!’

'So is a cattle prod.' Hermann said as he undressed for bed and let Newt’s day wash over him unheard, mind still whirring.

‘Oh, and dude, Damian is totally the least Aryan of that bunch. He’s actually quite funny, you know? A little less up his own ass.’ Newton poked his head out of the door, toothbrush poised. ‘Did you know he was a teacher?’

'Hmm...'

_ 'Didja know heth orith-’ _

‘Don’t talk with your mouth full of toothpaste, it’s dreadfully uncouth.’

‘Shith sorry.’ A sound of spitting followed by the tap being silenced. ‘I said he’s from San Francisco originally and--’

‘Newton, I don’t recall clicking on this Wikipedia article. Can you please cease this infernal prattle.’

‘Dude, who pissed in your fries,’ Newton stepped out of the bathroom, pulling on his sleep tee. ‘Just trying to share my day,  _ darling _ .’

Hermann frowned as he say down onto the bed. ‘Really? It sounded more like your fanclub application to the We Love Damian club, so if you don’t mind, I’ll pass.’

‘What the fuck?’ Newt placed his hands on his hips. ‘Shit, man, are you jelly?’

‘No! I am not-- I can’t even say that ridiculous word -- I am not jealous, Newton. I’m simply tired and wish to retire for the evening. Don’t look at me like that, it’s fine. I’m fine.’

‘Are you okay?’ asked Newt, his voice soft. ‘What’s wrong? You are grumpier than usual.’

Hermann placed his hands over his face, and groaned quietly. ‘I do not wish to discuss it.

‘Hermann.’  Newt settled down next to him on the bed, his mouth set in a firm line. ‘What the hell happened today?’

‘Nothing. It was a perfectly adequate day. His mind flashed back to his earlier description of Newt and a new spike of guilt joined the rest. ‘ I just wish to sleep.’

Newt reached out, placing a hand on his knee. ‘Did something happen with James? Did--’

‘Confound it, Newton!’ Hermann flung Newt’s hand off him. ‘It is not of your concern and even less of your business!’

Newt’s mouth fell open, and an expression of pure hurt filled his eyes, compounding Hermann’s misery further. How had this become such a fragile house of cards. ‘Sorry,’ he said sulkily. ‘Figured we were at least friends, but if I’m such a pest never fucking mind.’

‘There’s no need to be petulant-- no, ignore me. I’m sorry.’ He patted Newt’s shoulder. ‘Truly.’

Newt nodded, lips still set in a defensive line. ‘Look you don’t have to talk about. But, I’m here if you do. That’s all.’

Hermann sighed, fixing his eyes resolutely on the wall opposite. ‘Today, in the hot tub. James and I --’ He closed his eyes tightly. ‘He kissed me.’

'That rat fuck!’ hissed Newt. ‘Of all the low down--’

‘--I kissed him back, Newton.’

‘Oh! Oh, I see.’  Newt’s voice sounded small amongst the rush filling Hermann’s head. ‘I don’t know what you want me to say.’

‘You? Speechless? That’s a first,’ joked Hermann weakly. He sighed. ‘There’s nothing to say.’

‘But it was a mistake right?’ Newt queried. ‘He took advantage of you. Of your feelings.’

‘I’m not some fresh faced lamb, Newton! I can make my own decisions!’

Newt blinked. ‘Right. Yeah, okay. Decisions like fucking over his boyfriend? When you know exactly how that feels? That’s brilliant. Great work, you ass!’

'Please, Newton. Don’t you think I feel awful enough as it is?’ Hermann hissed, mindful that James and Damian resided in the room next door. ‘James told me that the two of them are out of sorts.’ He worried at his lip. ‘That he thinks they may be becoming to a natural ending.’

'Not so natural anymore,' Newt said in a monotone. 'He seems to be getting the best of both worlds, don’t you think?'

‘You know absolutely nothing of James!’

‘Please! The guy might as well be the Google Maps directions to a complete fuckhead. It’s  _ you _ that can’t see what a using cock he is!’ Newt grabbed at his hair, pulling at it with frustration. ‘This isn’t who you are, Herman. This is just a mixture of being heartbroken and insecure and--’

‘Oh, don’t pull me under your microscope! You couldn’t possibly begin to understand!’

‘Ha!’  Newt smiled unpleasantly. ‘Seriously? I think I get it more than you think.’ He stood up, his back to Hermann. ‘This was never about showing James that you are over him at all was it?’ Newt turned and stared down at him, eyes narrowed. ‘Was that your plan all along? Make James jealous and --’

‘Don’t be absurd! We can’t help the way we feel!’

‘And what  _ do _ you feel?’ Newt snapped. ‘Now that James has clicked his fingers and deemed you interesting again?’

‘I feel --- I feel fine, Newton,’ Hermann gripped at his knees tightly. ‘It was just a kiss. Nothing more. We are giving each of space.’

‘He’s keeping you dangling more like,’ he snorted. ‘Just keeping you warm until he needs to re-feed his colossal fucking ego!’

Hermann closed his eyes, and breathed heavily through his nostrils. Trying to keep the guilt, the confusion, his anger at bay least he wake the whole household. Newton just didn’t understand. People like Newton were the moon and everyone was the ocean. He would never know what it was like to be the one left behind. The one that wasn’t wanted. He could never fully understand what Hermann was feeling. He could explain Pascal’s Triangle to a toddler easier than he could explain why he repeated the experiment over and over, and the results came back the same each time:  _ he’s using you  _ and still -- still he hoped for a different conclusion.

‘If you are unwilling to be my friend over this then I think we should drop it,’ he said at last. Opening his eyes and taking in Newton, he continued to stare down at him with a darkened expression, hair wild and eyes wide.

‘Unwilling to be your friend?’ Newt threw his arms wide. ‘Are you for fucking real? I flew across the world for you! I dropped everything! I signed up to this clusterfuck despite--’

‘Despite what?’

‘Despite---’ Newton bit his lip and looked away, blinking furiously. ‘Despite it being a dumb idea! That’s what! And you got the nerve to question  _ my _ friendship?’

‘That isn’t--- God, Newton will you keep your voice down. I wasn’t saying you haven’t been my friend. I’m asking you to be one now, however!’ Hermann shook his head slowly. ‘ _ Please _ . Please be my friend?’

Before him Newton visibly deflated. ‘Fuck.’ Newt dropped down heavily beside him with a sigh. ‘Fuck,’ he repeated lowly.

‘I don’t know what to do, Newt.’ Hermann looked at him sadly. ‘What should I do?

Newt grabbed at his hand, squeezing it tight  ‘I can’t make your mind up for you. And I can’t be your cheerleader on this. But I am your friend. Your _ best  _ friend. I promise I’ll do whatever I can to support you.’

‘I loved him with my all. He was my world,’ whispered Hermann. ‘And then he no longer wanted me. And I no longer had a world. I no longer had anything to gravitate myself. I was so lonely for so long. I can’t even begin to tell you what that feels like.’

Newton gave a small, strange smile. ‘You don’t have to.’

‘And now he wants me back. But maybe I’m too hurt, too broken--’

‘Hey, don’t, you are  _ not _ broken--’

‘--too scared.’ Hermann laughed shrilly. ‘I’m terrified, Newton.’

‘I know, man.’ Newt placed his arm around his shoulders and pulled him into a half hug. ‘I know.’

And it was not a warm pool of water, but the tension seeped from Hermann’s bones and he relaxed into the warm soft friendly hold. Sometimes words and experiment and thought just complicated things.

It was a long time before either of them fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Newt stared up at the ceiling, lost in the haze of the off-colour white, as Hermann snored quietly beside him. He had spent most the night tossing and turning in seek of sleep that never came. When he did manage to drop off he would soon wake and feel that awful dread in his stomach, the kind where he knew something was wrong but the cause was at his heels in fast pursuit. Turning over, he looked towards Hermann’s sleeping frame. Why had he agreed to do this? What had he possibly hoped to achieve? That Hermann would just glance over at him, and suddenly be overcome with all-consuming love for him? He scowled. Was he really that pathetic that he would take the scraps from the table, if it meant he it got to be at Hermann’s feet?

 _Yeah. You really are_ , he thought miserably.

He turned on his side, gaze roaming over Hermann’s prone form. ‘I love you,’ he whispered, wanting to feel the words on his lips, wanting to pretend this intimacy was real. ‘ _I love you.’_

He reached a hand out slowly, finger intent on stroking down Hermann’s high cheekbone but froze midway, clasping at air. _Enough pretending._

'Newton?' Hermann said, his eyes fluttering open.

‘Mother _fuck_!’ Newt shrank back with a gasp. ‘You power up like a Furby!’

'I--- ? And a good morning to you too, Newton.' Hermann sat up, hair at all angles and sleepily rubbed at his face. ‘'What time is it?' He asked around a yawn.

'It’s just gone twelve.'

'Gracious! I was meant to meet James an hour ago! Why didn’t you wake me?' He swung out of bed, grabbing at his cane next to the night stand. ‘No sensible human awakes at midday, Newton!’

'You looked so peaceful!'

'I was unconscious and therefore unaware of your existence.’ Hermann sniped, grabbing clothes from the wardrobe.  ‘I was probably in a state of utter euphoria!'

‘Well, _someone_ is not a morning person--’

‘It is no longer morning!’

‘Okay, you got me there. Give me a minute and I can return at full artillery.’

‘I do not have time, Newton. I need to get ready!’

‘Oh, of course! Absolutely! One can’t keep lover boy waiting, one cannot, pip pip!’

‘Must you be so childish,’ muttered Hermann, divesting himself of his sleep clothes while Newton fixed his gaze away with a blush. ‘James and I have much to discuss.’

‘Is that what the kids are calling it these days?’

‘That doesn’t even make sense!’

‘You face doesn’t make sense!’ snapped Newt. He held his hands up placatingly. ‘Okay, okay, that was too harsh and please don’t put in any more complaints about me at work. I don’t wanna relive the Picasso incident.’

‘Yes, well,’ said Hermann, glowering at him at a little. ‘When insults are so easily flung and with such alarming regularity, one could be forgiven for taking it to heart.’

‘See, there you go again, you utter Modigliani -- no, wait! Stop. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean… look, I get _mad_ when I’m worried about stuff, ya know?’ 

Hermann let out a weary sigh. ‘It is it so beyond your comprehension that he may have no ulterior motive and just want me back?’

‘I wouldn’t be _too_ flattered, he also wants polio back.’

‘Newton.’ Hermann gripped at the bridge of his nose. ‘Must we?’

Newt turned away, teeth worrying at his lip. He was going back on everything he had already promised Hermann. ‘Listen, I’m not trying to give you a hard time---’

'And yet you are succeeding! Why on Earth are you so concerned?’ Hermann pulled on his trousers, with a violent tug. ‘You’re getting a free holiday, aren’t you?' Hermann winced at Newt’s expression, ‘No, I’m terribly sorry, that was uncalled for.’

'I just don’t want to see you get hurt is all?' Newt spread his arms in a helpless gesture. 'Hermann, I’m not trying to ruin this for you. I just want you to be careful.’

'I--- I know, Newton.’ Hermann sighed, pulling on a sweater and playing with the hem distractedly. ‘I promise you, I shan’t rush into anything.’

‘I dunno man, seems like you’re rushing plenty.’

‘Well, that would be because I’m egregiously late and really must go.'

‘Yeah, better hurry,’ snorted Newt. ‘James will be cueing the Benny Hill music to chase you round the peaks as we speak.’

‘Of all the British arts and culture you could have referenced, you provide me with that.’ He straightened himself up and headed for the door. ‘You are a very baffling man, Newton,’ he said over his shoulder.

Newt watched the door close with a decisive click. ‘You have _no_ idea,’ he muttered, flopping back on the bed heavily.

 

*

 

'We’re having a meet up later, drinks and that? You and Hermann up for it?' Damian asked as he bit into his sandwich. They were taking a break after Newt’s seventh tumble on the slopes. There wasn’t a body part he hadn’t managed to contort into new, horrific angles. He’d changed his mind. Skiing fucking blew.

'Sure, sounds good.' Newt said as he sorted through his wallet for a tip. He hoped Hermann gave him tax back for all this.

‘Hard to believe that just a short while ago we didn’t even know if the world would be here. And now, thanks to people like you and Hermann.’ He smiled sadly. ‘We all owe you a great debt.’

Newt waved it away, fighting the urge to write out an autograph. For Hermann, he could be humble for, like, a day. ‘It was no biggie.’

‘No biggie?’

‘Well, okay, _huge_ biggie. The biggiest but-- ‘ he shrugged. ‘A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.’ He stared at into the distance, hoping his profile conveyed what a tragic, reluctant hero he was. Tragic enough that people should give up their fries.

‘Do you want some fries?’

_Nailed it._

Damian smiled at him across the table and Newt tried to swallow down the guilt along with delicious greasy carbohydrates . He _liked_ Damian, and sitting there knowing his boyfriend was a smug, cheating cheat was torture. He kept wanting to scream it across the canteen.

‘Must be nice for you and Hermann. Going through all of that and coming out of it with each other?’

‘Yeah, it was alright.’ He winced as he shifted in his seat. Christ, snow was way harder than it looked.

‘Uh, just alright?’

‘No, dude, yeah sorry. It’s great. Really just-- top notch. I’m a lucky guy.’

Damian frowned, placing down his sandwich. ‘Is something the matter?’

'Oh, no! I’m sure...you know.' He flapped his arms hands towards him and prayed Damian read something deep and significant in the gesture since he had no clue what to say or do.

‘Come on, what is it?’ Damian reached out and patted at Newt’s hand. ‘If you can’t tell a person you’ve barely just met, who can you tell?’

‘I don’t want to just, you know, vomit my feelings all over you. It wouldn’t be cool, man.’

‘Newton, come on. It’s fine.’ Damian smiled at him encouragingly. ‘It’s just us here.’

‘Okay, okay. Right.’ Newt nodded to himself. Maybe talking would help and stop him following Hermann round like an injured fawn. ‘What if you had feelings for someone and they were completely oblivious to it? Like you are sat there right in front of them and they just don’t see you?’ Damian shot a worried look at their joined hands. ‘Oh, god, no _ew_ \-- not you.’

‘Not sure the _ew_ was necessary but oka--’

‘-- no, right and it’s like you’ve became a piece of the furniture to them. Solid, dependable -- functional. But they don’t see _you_?’ Newt sighed, resting his head on his palm. ‘They don’t see how much you love them.’

‘Ah,’ Damian said, picking up his sandwich again and pointing it towards him. ‘Have you thought about _telling_ Hermann?’

Newt startled. ‘I--- I don’t---’ He felt himself deflate. ‘I don’t think it would make much difference.’

‘And what’s _not_ telling him doing? Other than making you completely miserable and second guessing yourself at every turn? Listen, I know you guys haven’t been together long and knowing you are at a step sooner than you expected is pretty scary but--’ He lent forward with a grin. ‘You guys _have_ been together for three months now, it’s not soon to know how you feel if what you feel is real.’

‘Ten years,’ said Newt lowly. ‘I’ve loved him for ten years.’

‘Oh!’ Damian sat back with a whistle. ‘That’s so fucking romantic,’ he whispered.

‘ _Is it?_ Is it romantic?’ Newt rubbed a hand over his face with a groan. ‘It’s been torture.’

‘But you are together now!’ Damian protested. ‘You got your guy! Maybe Hermann isn’t there yet, but he’s with you! Just be patient-- uh, even more patient.’

‘Yeah, thanks and all, but I’m pretty certain Hermann isn’t ever going to -- uh-- love me.’ _Or even think of me as an option._

‘Newton, have a little faith, okay. I used to be the same about me and James, you know. I couldn’t stop obsessing over whether this was just a fling to him or something more. And now?’ Damian shrugged with a shy grin. ‘Last night he asked me to move in with him.’

‘ _What?_ What?’ Newton blinked . ‘No, what?’

‘James asked me to move in with him,’ said Damian slowly.

‘Into, like, the same house?’

‘One would hope?’

‘And this was last night?’

‘Uh, yes. Are you okay? You’ve gone an alarming shade of white.’

 _That motherfucking rat snake cheese fuck._ So much for him and Damian coming to a natural end. Newt was going to drown him in the fucking snow, sure he would have to wait for it to melt but it would be worth it!

‘I’m good! Great in fact! Thank you the advice. That was --- that was good advice. I’ll try that.’

‘It will come good, Newton, trust me,’ Damian reached across and took his hand again. ‘Just tell Hermann how you feel. You have nothing to lose.’

Newt felt like the lowliest shit in the world as he smiled weakly. What he wanted to do was upturn the table and scream _he is cheating on you with my fake boyfriend, let’s go put a chair leg through his eye!_

'This looks cosy! Should I be worried?' James the bastard said, suddenly appearing at Damian' shoulder. He shot Newt a wink as he bent to kiss Damian's cheek. Hermann awkwardly followed suit with Newt, his gesture more of a gentle head butt then a peck. James sat down opposite them and stole a potato chip from Damian’s plate. 'We’ve had quite the workout, haven’t we, Hermann?'

Newt’s nails bit into his palm, at Hermann’s resulting blush. _A chair leg for each eye._

‘'Where’s the bathroom?' Hermann asked, looking uncomfortable just being in Damian’s presence.

'Over there.' Newt said, tartly, stabbing his straw into the cup with brutal enthusiasm. ‘It says 'Gentlemen' but pay that no heed. Just go straight in.’

‘I’m so glad you could join us, Noel Coward,’ Hermann sniped. ‘I look forward to more such bonn motts upon my return.’ He shot Newt a meaningful look, indicating to James with his head. The instruction _by god, be civil while I’m gone_ was clear.

'I’m just going to get another coffee, you want another, Newton? No?' Damian stood up from the table. 'James?'

'I’m good, thanks. I’ll just keep Newton here company until you’re back.'

'Okay. Be right back.' Damian gave James’ shoulder a squeeze as he left. Oh, great. Fabulous. One on one with the Hermann stealer.

‘So, Newton, Herms tells me that you are quite prolific in cryptozoology. And, uh, artificial --- uh…’

‘Tissue replication.’ Newt sniffed. ‘I don’t want to use the word - _pioneer_ but---’

‘Fascinating! And now we aren’t alien dinosaur chow, what’s the next step?’

 _Alien dinosaurs?_ James had to be just unreal in bed for this to be worth it for Hermann. Oh, bad thought, bad thought. Abort. ‘Wait, sorry what?’

‘What’s the big picture? What’re you planning on doing with all that knowledge, old boy? You’ve got to have something to be aiming for.’

‘I dunno, I guess, I thought about the lecture circuit. I mean for a bit at least.’ Newt shrugged, picking at his napkin to distract himself from James’ scrutiny. Jesus, what the hell was he supposed to do with this? What was the play for dealing with the man who your not really boyfriend was cheating on you with perusing your resume. ‘Then maybe back to teaching. We’ve had offers. I guess I’ve just been enjoying the afterglow for the moment.’

‘Wow.’ James grinned, his teeth blinding everyone within a 5 mile radius. ‘And the whole drifting thing, huh. I bet that was something.’

‘Hermann... ‘ Newt frowned. ‘Hermann told you about the drift?’

‘Of course! No secrets between me and Herms! Way he tells it, we owe you for saving all of our hides.’ James leaned forward, face growing solemn. ‘The way I’ve heard it, that _you’re_ the hero.’

‘He said that about me?’ Newt asked quietly. ‘Really?’

‘You seemed surprised?’ James tilted his head, considering. ‘Does he not tell you these things himself?’

‘What, no --- that’s that what I-- ‘ So much for keep the world saving on the downlow, Hermann, thanks for a keeping a guy informed. ‘Hermann’s just being generous that’s all. It was a team effort.’ He swallowed thickly. ‘We lost good people. _They’re_ the heroes.’

‘Cute, brilliant and modest?’ James grinned. ‘What an alluring package.’

Newt blinked. ‘I--- what?’

James leaned across the table taking the destroyed napkin from Newt’s hands, his fingers lingering a moment too long across his skin as he shot Newt a look. 'I wonder if Hermann knows how lucky he is?'

Newt shifted uncomfortably under that heated gaze. He cast his eyes to the side, the table, anywhere except James. But it went on too long, and so he reluctantly dragged his gaze back to James, and swallowed. ‘I--’ he began.

Mercifully, James pulled his hand away as Damian began to make his way back. 'Well, I must dash. Tell Damian I’ll see him tonight. Later!'

Newton blinked. What the fuck had _that_ been about?

 

*

Newt stood alone in the corner watching the couples swaying together to the soft beat. Hermann, meanwhile, was busy laughing - _laughing!_ \- on the other side of the room with James the prick pricking prick. Every time James touched Hermann, _which was all the fucking time_ , Newt could feel bile rise in his throat. Never before had he been so entirely consumed with envy. He wished he had never agreed to this ridiculous deal in the first place. What had he gained from the whole thing? Apart from a bruised ass and not in the good way.

_I can't believe it_

_It hard to conceive it_

_That you'd turn away romance_

_Are you pretending?_

_Don't say it's the ending_

_I wish I could have one more change to prove, dear_

_My life a hell you're making_

_You know I’m yours for just the taking_

_I’d gladly surrender myself to you_

_Body and soul_

Jesus! Didn’t these people have more than one record? Weren’t they supposed to be rich? He shifted awkwardly, hating the crash of sadness and longing which shook him. God, he would rather face down a kaiju than spend another day with this bunch of clowns.

Okay, okay. He could do this. He made across the room towards the two and quietly cleared his throat. 'Hi, Hermann. You free a second?' He ignored James' welcoming smile and concentrated on Hermann, who looked back in barely concealed annoyance.

'Oh, well, yes of course.' Hermann looked to him expectantly. ‘Is anything the matter?’

'No, I mean...' Newt looked at James who held his hands up in a _don’t mind me_ gesture. Oh, _die_ already. 'Could we go outside?'

Hermann studied his face for a moment, as if in search for something but Newt would be damned if he knew what. ‘Very well.’ He turned and smiled softly at James. ‘I will be back momentarily.’

Newt turned his gaze away, not in the mood to fight another jealous wave. Without checking to see if Hermann was following, he walked to the balcony, moving through the doors and taking a much needed gulp of the icy air.

'Newton, I am really not in the mood for another lecture.’ Hermann said, close behind. He wrapped his arms around himself, rubbing at his upper arms. ‘And I’m not appropriately dressed for this appalling cold.’

'No, dude, I’ll be real quick. It’s just--- I’ve just...I’ve had a lot on my mind today and well, I think we need to talk basically. I know you think I’m just some idiot...'

'Only in the literal sense.' Hermann said with a wry grin.

'Could you not? Like, for just one minute? I’m trying to...you know.'

‘I do not wish to re-visit our conversation from this morning, Newton. Apology accepted. James and I were just having an intriguing conversation regarding his current research and he _is_ our host--’

'Oh, my God! You are infuriating! It’ll only take a minute and then you can get back to your precious, shitting mistress. Fuck!'

Hermann narrowed his eyes in annoyance. ‘'I understand that you don’t like James much but--'

'Whatever gave you that idea? The guy seems a real doll!’ Newt grabbed at his hair in frustration. ‘No, wait, that’s not what I wanted to say. This is getting away from me a little bit.’

Hermann pressed his lips into a severe line. ‘If you could retrieve it, whatever it is, before I die of hypothermia, that would be _greatl_ y appreciated.’

'No! It’s about-- I guess what I’m trying to say --- you, see, the thing is-- Well, what I mean--’ Newt coughed into his hand. ‘The Webster dictionary’s definition of  --- Nah, _Jesus_ that sucks. Ha! What I am _trying_ to convey is---’

'Good gracious, Newton! Continents have drifted apart faster than this. I can feel my cells _aging_ will you please get to the point?’'

It had to be done. He didn’t care about propriety, promises, regrets or even rejection. Every part of his being told him to do it, that it was the only thing to quiet the storm in his head.

‘Fuck it!’ He leant forward and pressed his lips to Hermann’s, pulling him by his lapels towards him. It was a risk, and his heart lurched painfully in his chest as he took the initiative, because now he was exposed and, oh God, Hermann was spluttering and stiff against him, and it had been for nothing, and--

Hermann became pliant and lax, and _kissed him back_.

Newt brought his hand to Hermann’s face, palm ghosting over his skin. Hermann’s heart sounded out against Newt’s chest, hurried and strong. Newt felt like that up until this moment, he had spent his life below wave break and the heat of Hermann’s body had broken him to the surface.  Newt pulled away, rubbing his thumb across Hermann’s cheekbone as his gaze darted back and forth between Hermann’s soft brown eyes.

'Newt, I don’t---’ Hermann’s eyebrows knitted into confusion as he searched Newt’s face. His stare darted behind him, and understanding dawned in his eyes. ‘Oh, I see. I understand.’

‘You do?’ Newt felt a tiny flutter of excitement in his chest and felt his mouth stretching into a smile.

'He was watching the whole time’. Stomach plummeting Newt followed Hermann’s gaze to where, sure enough, stood James watching them sulkily. ‘Confound you, Newton!’ He hissed. ‘I told you this wasn’t about making anyone jealous! Is this some silly high school prank to you?’

‘Wh--- what?’ Newt stepped back from the clear anger on Hermann’s features. ‘Jealous?’

‘Do you seriously think I think so lowly of you to drag you into this like some misguided wingman in a dire American romantic drama? Do you find my character so lacking that I would not only make you complicit but to also play on the feelings of James or Damian?’

‘But that wasn’t --’ Newt swallowed, hands held up in defense. ‘Listen, I didn’t think that--’

‘And that’s your problem! Do you _ever_ think anything through?’ Hermann sighed, looking away briefly as collecting his thoughts. ‘I know you mean well, Newton but I must ask you to please not interfere.’

‘Oh,’ whispered Newt, feeling his heart beat wildly at his rib cage, desperate to flee but trapped in his own misery. He saw the lifeline and grabbed at it tight. ‘No, yeah! Sorry, dude, I just thought, well, ha, you know?’

‘It’s--- It’s no matter, Newton, James won’t suspect anything but please. Understand this is not some crazy scheme on my part. I hope you know me better than that.’ He gripped a Newt’s arm and the touch seared and burned. ‘It’s real between us, Newton. James and I -- I don’t want to cheapen it with --- with whatever this was.’ Hermann smiled sadly, and patted at Newt’s upper arm. ‘Thank you, as misguided as it was, I do appreciate you trying. Your friendship is very dear to me.’

‘Yeah. Yeah, sorry -- that was a mistake.’ Newt nodded, smiling weakly. ‘And, me too. About the friendship thing. You head back, I’m going to uh -- take in some air for awhile. He gave a shaky laugh. ‘I need to de-Hermannise my lungs anyway.’

‘Oh, yes, very droll, Newton.’ Hermann turned to go, glancing back, his lips twisted in thought. ‘Are you quite alright?’

‘I’m great!’ Newton held up a thumb. ‘Don’t worry about me, I’m, uh, peachy keen as they say.’ He considered. ‘Well, probably people in _cults_ say that but you get the gist.’

‘Very well. I shall see you inside. Where it’s a tad sight warmer.’  Hermann smiled, giving a bow last seen in a BBC regency drama and making his way back through the doors. Back to James.

‘You really don’t see me,’ he whispered. ‘Do you?’

 _A mistake._ One he wouldn’t be making again.


End file.
